Publisher, upon finding outdated submitted column in a pile of discarded papers: “When did Dick Dangler bring this in? We got an old column from Dick Dangler here. Dick Dangler, that’s his real name.” Reporter: “Which way does he lean, a little to the left or a little to the right?” Sports Editor: “He kinda [...]

Reporter 1: “I drink tee, aspirin and wine today.” Reporter 2: “Wine is unhealthy in that case.” Reporter 1: “No, aspirin is unhealthy.”

Reporter 1, scolding co-worker for inappropriate remark about photographer: “That was not nice!” Reporter 2: “My outer ugly just reflects my inner ugly!”

Reporter to managing editor: “How do we feel about running puppy penis?”

Reporter, on hearing fellow reporter’s latest tale after returning from crime scene: “Dead body! You’ve got another dead body? That’s not fair. The next dead body is mine!”

Reporter, in reference to a website: “Why did I come here?” Co-worker: “We all ask ourselves that every day.”

Editor to photographer toning a picture of a local Bishop: “Can’t you put the divine light of Christ shining down on him with some Photoshop shit or something?”

Producer watching the CBS story on smoking toddler: “Oooh good smoke ring.”

Reporter: “When I’m plagiarized by the competition, I’ll know I finally made it.”

Copy desk chief after hearing about a man who drowned in the sewage treatment plant: “What a shitty way to go.”