Editor: “You’re supposed to have fun at work, and throwing things is approved behavior.”

Reporter #1, complimenting a company-paid pen: “Ooh. Smooth ink action!” Reporter #2: “Agreed! I’d been waiting for a nice pen to appear in the supplies cabinet.” Reporter #1: “I’m putting off my resignation!”

Weekly newspaper Reporter: “I’m a one-man news team. Just add a tambourine.”

Editor to Cops Reporter: “I just heard on the scanner about some lady with a bag full of snakes running away from the supermarket.” Cops Reporter after calling to check on it: “Uhhh that was a bag of steaks.”

Pressman to Graphic Artist with a big balloon arrangement from her husband: “Guess that was cheaper than child support.”

Editor: “Have we had anything about this dead woman yet?” Reporter: “No, she’s only been dead for like an hour.” Editor: “Scoop!”

“I hate that I have to fact check what the mayor says.”

Editor: “Why does this woman have a public defender? She stole $16,000. Can’t she afford an attorney?”

School District Superintendent to Reporter: “You didn’t throw me under the bus. You just showed me the bus.”

“If you’re riding as a passenger in the back seat of a car, don’t shoot the driver. It’s one of those things you shouldn’t have to tell people.”