Chief editor to employee, taking a few printed sheets from his desk: “I’m going to go outside, fire up a cigar, read this and see if you’re still gonna work here.”

Business editor, squinting at intern’s computer screen: “Are those two guys kissing?”

Anchor suggesting anti-teen pregnancy PSA copy: “Do you want to have fun, or you want to have a future? Don’t fornicate before your time.”

Reporter: “How long do you want this?” Editor: “I don’t know, fifteen, eighteen inches?” Reporter: “This is my masterpiece. It’s 50.”

Producer to newsroom after sitting through hours of breaking news: “Code red. Get me a catheter.”

City editor after a reporter explains what a Tumblr is and why the paper should have one: “So, it’s like a blog orgy?”

Police scanner: “We’ve got a call for a domestic at (location). They’re saying someone has a bottle and someone else is pregnant.”

Intern reporter: “In less than 2 months, I’ve become the master of finding free food around here.” Photog: “Now THAT’S newsworthy!”

Graphics staffer: “I’ve never understood what a nut graf is. It sounds like a surgical operation.”

Junior sub editor to chief editor: “Why are you looking at the copies after they have gone to print?” Chief editor: “I am looking at all the changes we could have made if we had lots of time.”